The Legend of Zelda: The Memes of Time
by Dalektopia
Summary: This is what I get for watching too many Youtube Poops. Caution: This fic is not responsible for any war being fought whatsoever. Contains a lot of Youtube Poops and a hint of yaoi.


Link wandered through the dark and depressing hallways of Ganon's newly rebuilt castle. Link looked closely at every detail the demeaning fortress had to offer. The bricks and mortar looked worn out as usual. The mist that always surrounded the King of Evil's hideaways was present. Even the statue of Dark Link raping his light counterpart was there, even though why Ganon always keeps it, Link had no clue. Everything was where it was supposed to be, which was weird, considering that the Dark Lord is never this neat and tidy, even if Link had destroyed his castle so many more times than he had bombed a Dodongo.

Suddenly, all the torches in the castle were set on fire, causing the dimly lit structure to glow a mysterious aura. The torches lighting, as well as the crackle of lightning outside could only mean one of three things: One, someone had brought light into Ganon's lair, in which Link did not do(though Zelda does have a habit of lighting things on fire…). Two, Daphnes had invited him over for dinner, in which the hero would have a hard time figuring out why the King would do such a thing. Or three, Ganon was returning from a day terrorizing Koradai. The Hylian hopes it was the latter. Suddenly, large clanking footsteps echoed throughout the castle, signalling the arrival of Link's eternal enemy. Link didn't seem amused by the Dark Lord's lightshow, or the fact that the Gerudo was standing right in front of him.

"Greetings, infidel." The Gerudo spoke in his usual deep, rough voice. "What brings you to my humble abode?"

"Well," Link said slowly, "I've got this…erm…problem."

"Well, then. Tell Old Man Ganon what's wrong with ya, sonny?" Ganon said, trying to imitate an old country redneck. Yet, through all that time Link was trying to translate the words that Ganon had spoken, it was at that moment that he realised why the Gerudo had kept that statue.

"Don't do that. Just…don't. Look, maybe I'll just go to Impa. Or that old dude on the magic carpet that always denies his pedophility."

"Tell me what the problem is, or I'll release the hounds after you for trespassing on private property, is that clear, Link?"

"Fine, fine. Actually It's now three problems. One, How can you get 'it' up? Two, what's this thing called internet and yaoi? Three, do you have a bathroom, I really need to go."

Ganon's expressions from the questions went from shocked, to a mix of the previous expression to dumbfounded, to a confused look that said, "Down the hall, three doors down. Meet me in the organ room later if you want to know what those things are." Link only nodded at the warlock's last expression as he dashed to the said bathroom.

"Why in Din's perfectly rounded chest do I have to always do this in every re-incarnation…?" Ganon muttered.

After what seemed like a staring contest between Weegee and Malleo, Link finally found the room in which Ganon was in. The hero immediately face palmed when he hadn't noticed that it was only a few doors from the bathroom, and that it had a banner over it that said: GANON'S ORGAN ROOM: PLAYING YOUR MUSICAL FAVOURITES SINCE 1998. Link examined the doors to the said room. The wooden doors to the structure were at least ten meters high, and were sealed shut with a mix of what seemed to be like KY jelly and super glue.

"How the hell do I get inside?" Link thought.

Silence followed soon afterwards, only to be broken by a certain blue fairy.

"HEY, LISTEN. LINK, LISTEN. DUDE, LISTEN TO ME. I AM YOUR FATHER. LINK, LISTEN TO ME NAO! FOR FAYORE'S SAKE, MAN, LISTEN TO ME! GODDESSDAMNIT! YOU ARE MY B***H AND YOU SHALL DO AS I COMMAND. PINGAS! LINK, OBEY THY MASTER! AND REMEMBER, ALL TOASTERS TOAST TOAST. DUDE, LISTEN TO ME BEFORE I LOSE IT! WITHOUT ME, YOURE NOTHING BUT A GUY THAT WEARS A SKIRT, A GAY LOOKING HAT AND HAS…A WHOLE LOT OF FANGIRLS. Damn. I wish there were Navi fanbois…ANYWAYS! LISTEN TO ME NAOU-"

The extremely annoying fairy's long speech was cut short, due to the fact that Link had crushed, pulped, sifted, and incinerated the now lifeless corpse of the once b****y fairy.

"Mah business is done!" Link proclaimed. "Now if only I can get rid of Tingle…oh well."

The hero pounded his fists onto the wooden structure as the musical instrument inside started to play Davy Jones' theme from Pirates of the Caribbean.

"Ganon! Let me in!" Link exclaimed. "I wanna know how to do those things!"

There was a muffled yell, but Link's extremely sensitive pointed ears could pick out: I rant. "It's dread f**k tealed. Huge rave to Thwomp it!"

"What the hell is he talking about." Link thought out loud.

But with another muffled scream, Ganon inexplicably yelled: "BOMB THE F***ING DOOR, JACKASS!"

"Oh."

Link searched his pockets, tossing out many a miscellaneous item, which included: A naked picture of Dark Link (Why he keeps it, I do not know), Ike's headband, Marth's 'crown', one of Zelda, Peach and Samus' bras, a Dalek, Dark Link's used condom, a Giga Bowser tooth, Master Hand's old glove, one of Ganon's old socks, Tatl, a hot dog and a G-string.

"Where did I put it?" screamed the Hero. "It HAS to be here somewhere."

With a couple more minutes of digging through his personal belongings, touching himself where no one would dare…except maybe Zelda or Samus, and reaching every corner of his body (Yes, every corner), Link had finally found the object of his interest.

A banner immediately appeared in front of the green tunic wearing hero saying: Congratulations! You've found: The Sonic Screwdriver!

"NO DUH, MIYAMOTO!" Link screamed into the dreary air.

Link pointed the sonic device at the wooden door, it's sonic waves causing the atoms and the molecules inside the KY jelly and super glue mixture to separate, which in turn causes the door to…explode into splinters.

"I thought this thing would be good for OPENING doors, not blowing it up!" Link screamed once again.

The hero steps inside the room, to find Ganon standing in the middle of it, waiting for the Hylian with an evil smirk.

"Aaah, Link. Finally you've decided to join me." Ganon said gruffly.

"WHY THE HELL IS YOUR DOOR SEALED?" Link screamed into the Gerudo's face.

"Isn't it always?" Ganon replied calmly.

At that moment, Link face palmed and cursed under his breath. When the Hylian had gained composure, he asked the same questions he had asked Ganon before. This time, Ganon was prepared.

"Now, to your first question," Ganon explained, "You need about a cup of Deku Baba leaves, saliva from my pet Argorok, one of Zant's socks, water from the Fountain of Dreams and a moustache hair from one of the most, if not THE most deadly creature to roam this world."

"And who, or what might that be?" Link asked the warlock.

"Weegee."

Links eyes widened as Ganon took out a jar, containing the said follicle.

"The rest of the ingredients were pretty easy to get, but this…THIS can only be found in certain places in the entire universe," Ganondorf explained once more, "Millions of empires, mad men, gods and monsters would go to war, just for a single cell of this specimen."

Ganondorf took out the rest of the ingredients needed from one of his many pockets, and combined them into a single mortar bowl.

"Mix all these things together, and you'll get a very potent potion, one that the effects may last you an entire week. So just drink a sip at a time, whenever you need it."

"And what exactly is this so called potent potion named?" Link asked yet again.

"Viagra!" Ganon said, lifting a bottle of the blue liquid in triumph. "Now, be careful with this stuff, only use it when Zelda or Samus are trying to get your attention."

"How the…never mind." Link said in angst.

"Now, to your second question," Ganon explained once again, "It's kinda hard…"

"What is?" Link asked, donning his gay pedo smile.

"Shut up, or you will die!" Ganon roared.

"Well excuse me, princess." Link said, staring right into Ganon's cold, amber eyes.

"Fine! I won't tell you what those two things are!"

"As if you know what they really are."

"I DO! Internet is a worldwide network of computers and information, all based upon a binary code! It lets us connect with distant friends and relatives, as well as-"

"Okay, okay! I think I get it now. That's done," Link sighed in relief, barely avoiding an 8 hour long lecture about the history and purposes of the Internet. "Now tell me, Ganon. What IS yaoi?"

Ganon looked at the smaller Hylian with cold, yet content eyes.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Link said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

"Whatever you say. It's what you saw Ike, Marth and Pit doing when you went over to ask them for your Wii back."

Link's eyes widened to their maximum proportions, while ears extremely hot.

"The opposite of that would be yuri. An example of that would be what you, me, Dark Link, and pretty much every guy out there thinks about."

"Which is?" Link asked, his head still spinning.

"For you, it would be Samus dragging Zelda to her Gunship and raping her." Ganon said with a smirk.

"Oh!" Link said, his pants getting a bit tight. "Uhm…I've got to go. I think I have…erm…another quest! Yeah, that's it!"

"Whatever you say, capt'n." the Gerudo replied, holding back screams of laughter.

Under his breath, Link could be heard muttering; "One involving two moaning girls, that blue potion of yours, rope and of course, my bed."

**Author's Note: THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR LOOKING AT TOO MANY YOUTUBE POOPS! DEAR GOD PLEASE LET ME RECOVER FROM SUCH VILE INSECURITY! WITH "PINGAS!" THIS AND "GAY LUIGI" THAT! OMIGOD I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE! Kidding!**

**REMEMBER TO REVIEW! SO DO IT! NAOUGH!**


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